The grrl punk/hardcore zine and website called Kill Your TV interviewed The Color Guard in the fall of 2001. We answered individually so we wouldn't turn into a writhing mass of smartass. (Kill Your TV can be found at: )

Name and position in the band:

JEANNE: Jeanne Gee, third bassman
LALENA: Lalena Fissure, singer and guitarist
NINA: Nina57 (AKA Toby, the little mexican boy), master of six-string metal mayhem
JAKE: Jacob David Alrich, drummer

How long you've been a band:

JEANNE: 1.5 years
LALENA: A year and a half
NINA: This question is worded poorly, and as a result my lawyer recommends it not be answered.
JAKE: I myself have been a member for five months...

Where you're at:

JEANNE: Flatbush avenue (Brooklyn) annoyed with fashionistas
LALENA: The crossroads! Between apartments, between relationships, between terrorist attacks!
NINA: who 'dat?
JAKE: Astoria, Queens, New York

Genre (if you needed to describe yourselves, what do you think you sound like?):

JEANNE: Melacholic pop urgent
LALENA: Emopopnewwaveprog.
NINA: The Slits meets Cheap Trick with a twist of lime
JAKE: "grrl rock"? - there was a recent article in the Village Voice that linked us with a new generation of all-female bands in NYC. Indeed, the group was100% ladies before I joined up. But I think we're girl-positive, at least. I hope the image we project is that of girls and boys rocking together, without prejudice.

How'd the band meet?

JEANNE: Through friends.
LALENA: Awesome people tend to find one another through supernatural means.
NINA: Phone calls, emails, and a whole lotta booze.
JAKE: Lalena's friend sent a mass email calling for a drummer, which found its way to me through an intermediary.

How do the members get along?

LALENA: Great. We disagree sometimes, piss each other off sometimes; it's a balancing act. But it works because we all like and respect one another very much, and we try to talk as much as possible.
NINA: Like little doggies.
JAKE: The sexual tension is palpable. Unfortunately, none of it is directed at me.

Where do you plan to be (with the band/wherever) a year from now?

JEANNE: Playing Meow Mix.
LALENA: Oh good Lord. I hope to be in a still-existent New York City. You know, my priorities have changed since the war started! It would also be nice to be touring Europe, with the comfort of knowing our beloved home city is okay! (I am answering these after 9/11; my bandmates answered before)
NINA: Fishing with John
JAKE: I don't have a timetable for this band, nor do I have specific expectations.

Birthday and age:

JEANNE: Leos never kiss and tell....but the green bottle from Latrobe sez all...
LALENA: I've had 8 birthdays, since I was born in leap year.
NINA: March 8, 1969 (send me gifts, please)
JAKE: 12-17-76/25

Where were you born?

JEANNE: Gerber hospital
LALENA: Hewston, Texass.
NINA: A fishing village in Portugal.
JAKE: (L: I guess Jake skipped ahead, he didn't answer)

Tell us a little about your childhood/growing up, etc:

JEANNE: It's too confusing...
LALENA: Kinda geeky girl growing up in a humid, hot city, tracking hurricanes from the Gulf of Mexico every summer, drawing and painting a lot and having Halloween parties the same night as my parents....only child--or so I thought till I met my half-sister when I was 16. Went to the arts high school and suddenly didn't feel like such a freak anymore.
NINA: I was raised a child of privledge in New Canaan,CT. But I turned my back on that, and chose to lead a life of the common people.

Did you go to college? For what degree?

JEANNE: Wolverines! Yeah! BIg Ten Party store. Drakes!!!
LALENA: I have art and journalism degrees. Too much education!!!
NINA: Expelled for fighting.

Have you played in any other bands?

JEANNE: Sleeves
LALENA: My first band was Catbox (in Houston, we were funny--look at, and my second band was The Hissyfits (NYC, they're still around).
NINA: Evil and Tenille,Filthy Dirty, The Wussies, Both D'em Chickens, Bad Dream House, Creature Did, and presently "me not no" and "The Damien Pratt" and "Nina57"

Favorite show with this band?

JEANNE: Our last show (Kitsch Inn).....Jake and NINA rock and throw shit at me and provide alot to look at!!!! They smile too....
LALENA: Kitsch Inn! Abby's parties always rule ( we played with the amazing Zia (! It was our first show after Sept.11, and I couldn't manage to send out a mass email about the show because of post-attack email restrictions where I work. But tons of people came anyway, and the energy was just great---it was like we all really needed to get out and have fun so badly.
NINA: When Slash switched Axl's dope for Meth!!

Worst show?

JEANNE: Not yet....maybe the Polish disco, but that wasn't bad it was just having to hold my tongue when the owner said, "no more of this rock and roll bullshit. On weekends I have thousand people drinking and dancing"...
LALENA: They're all fun.
NINA: Playing at that funeral for the dead kids kinda sucked.

Musical influences?

JEANNE: Maria Callas....Kitty Wells, of course Hank Williams and Devo.....Tom Gemp.....John Prine.....Jandek taught me even ugly is beautiful.
LALENA: Oh, I must summon the Lord again; the list is too long! My bandmates, first off--current and former. Then Big Black, The Butthole Surfers, Kate Bush, Bjork, The Melvins, Duran Duran, PJHarvey, Bauhaus, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, Sarah Vaughan, Judy Garland, The Judy's, Pat Benatar, Jethro Tull (and admitting it, too!), Kraftwerk, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Pain Teens, Kim Deal, Kristin Hersh....can I stop now?
NINA: Agent Orange, the Meatmen, Sugar

Personal influences?

JEANNE: Goldie Hawn....Heidi MOMs and my Dad. Madonna
LALENA: Well, Freud would say my parents are the biggest influence, and I'd agree with that. Awesome relatives and friends... Do you want famous people? There are people I admire, but no heroes that have inspired my whole philosophy of life or anything.
NINA: Chuck Barris, multiple orgasms, and Paxil.

Song of yours you think best describes what your music's all about?

JEANNE: That's a great win!!! Good job! it changes alot...I wanna know what the other the other Guarders say...In a way it's this song Magnetized...just cause it's real fresh lately.
LALENA: Oh, that's a good one! The answer is always changing---it's always the newest one! Okay, well, maybe one of the newer ones. I guess "Speech for Heated Hearts." It makes heads bop, so it must rock; it's got drama, but the drama is kind of fun; and it has pretty parts too.
NINA: Haven't written it yet.

Creed on life?

JEANNE: Don't look back but worry ALOT.
LALENA: Act like you know what you're doing. (Thanks, Dad!)
NINA: Lie, cheat and steal,(show 'em how you feel).

Different schtuff (fun fun fun...again, answer only what you wish to):

Birth sign?

JEANNE: See above.
LALENA: The Cock (on the Chinese calendar)
NINA: "Exit this Way"

Weirdest dream ever?

LALENA: I remember this recent one when I was at a wedding, but it took place in sort of in a "viewing room" where we watched the couple on a TV monitor. They were rapping, like in a video. They looked really slick and hip like in a Diesel ad. The guy was rapping about his woman, but was sort of winking to girls in the "audience" or whatever. I have no idea what it meant, but I may incorporate it into a song; I remember the rap pretty well. Except that I think I'd feel pretty stupid rapping.

Worst date ever?

JEANNE: I haven't had one....isn't that wierd....I've never actually been on a date....I think my boyfriend and I went on a date once when my Grandmother was dying....he took me to see Hedwig and the Angry Inch when it was at the Jane Street was very romantic and totally cheered me up more than I could've imagined.
LALENA: I can't remember any really bad dates. I had a couple of blind-dates that were obviously a joke, but I found blind-dates to be kind of fun; like a game.

Most embarassing moment?

JEANNE: Walking into men's locker room and starting to undress ... I thought some lunatic had wandered into the women's locker room and started yelling at him before I started screaming and ran out with a towel.
LALENA: Okay, I am cheating now and looking at my bandmates' answers. I think I've blocked my embarrassing moments out of my memory. Denial: it's a nice way to live!
NINA: Too numerous to mention.

Worst job you ever held?

JEANNE: I was a prep cook in a theme park for 3 days.....all the food products were made by Kraft.
LALENA: I've never had any REALLY torturous jobs. The closest to torture has to be my summer job at a crappy chain-Mexican food restaurant; I was a hostess, and we had to do things like wipe the menus off after people had dribbled salsa all inside them as they ate chips...and wipe babies' poop off high chairs. It was interesting, though, because a large number of employees were illegal aliens. There were times when someone would alert us that the immigration people were arriving, and the people who didn't have documentation would skedaddle off somewhere real quick.
NINA: They've all pretty much sucked, actually.

Worst person that ever hit on you?

JEANNE: When I was 20 and living in NYC for the summer this absolutely beautiful lipstick-lesbian hit on me by saying,"Would you come back to my apartment? 'Cause my girlfriend's away on a job and I'm afraid of mice." It was just the most fucked-up thing someone had ever propositioned me with--she was all corporate and should have had a nice apartment without mice, you know?
LALENA: This old banker guy when I was 16 and having one of those aforementioned Halloween parties with my parents!
NINA: This un-named 1980's hardcore dinosaur drunkenly slobbered all over me and kept trying to give me a button with his damn band on it.

Best show you ever attended?

JEANNE: Bad Brains...over and over!
LALENA: Revolting Cocks at Liberty Lunch in Austin! Also, stumbling upon Willie Nelson performing acoustic at a small wedding party in the Driskill Hotel.
NINA: Too many to list.

Most horrible teacher in school?

JEANNE: Gym teacher, mr. Inwood K-6...thought girls were wimps and always tried to feel our bra straps..... Is it possible that grown men really do that or is that my sick twisted memory?
LALENA: Patricia Zeitoun, the head of the art department in my high school. She was truly disturbed, and chose me to torture. Can you imagine? (halo glimmering)

Favorite song (not your own)?

JEANNE: Lullaby of sung by Sarah Vaughan, but you know "view from a window" by the Jam always rocks me...too. When I get that song in my head I have to listen to it like five times in a row to get over the greatness. The Jam were great!
LALENA: No fair! Too many! I already told you my favorite music-artists! They all have songs that would go on this list. Plus songs by a few cheesy pop people who I just think are very skilled songwriters, like Elton John.
NINA: Any Fear song.

Favorite bands. etc (I dunno if you'd like to count that as musical influences haha)?

JEANNE: Devo was the first art band I ever liked and my friend Sasha Davis, who moved to Ann arbor from NYC, introduced me to them. I idolized her sister LIZ, who was a no-waver from NYC and became this ice-queen stoner girl stuck in the midwest....But I do own alot of Neil young.....Nirvana......Stooges......Smiths..... actually to tell the truth and it's a total fauxpas to admit this shit....I think the Smiths really rocked my world....I just loved that the fucker couldn't sing and that he'd hang onto a syllable for an eternity and they were angry and melodic at the same time....Plus....I liked there whole visual obsession with old things....I didn't wear anything not thrifted for like 6 years.... music is just really embarassing to talk's completely irrational.
LALENA: I have this handy because I did a Top Ten 2001 List for! My current favorites are Kittie, Tenacious D, Green Velvet, everything Dan the Automator touches, Missy Elliot's new album, Peaches, Lacuna Coil (they put on a great show at L'Amour)... there must be more but I don't remember them all.
NINA: This changes on a daily basis so, Todays faves are: The Police, Me.Not.No, Agent Orange, Built to Spill, ...bla bla bla

Anything else:

JAKE: I play Sonor drums and Zildjian cymbals. I favor Vic Firth sticks, and usually go for something in a 5B, 5A if the tempo is a little brighter. (On the Judy's song we cover, I actually use Vic Firth's Manhattan, a very light 7A with dense wood to prevent splitting).
LALENA: Thanks so much for asking us all these questions, Sara Beth!
JEANNE: Rock oN!